Sex Toy 411

Anal Sex Toys - Misconceptions About Using them

If a man wants to stick something in his butt, that means he's gay.

That statement couldn't be any more false. Being homosexual is not about what you do, but who you do it with. A heterosexual man can engage in any type of anal play and not be gay because he doesn't desire or get off by doing it with a man, he desires to be with a woman. Homosexual men engage in sexual activities, not just anal sex, with other men because that's who they are attracted to. Being homosexual is more than just an activity, it's a state of mind. So anal play is just an additional form of pleasure, but not the only way that a man gets pleasure.

The anus is very unclean and it's very messy to play with it.

Unfortunately, I hear this from men and women too often on All Sex Advice. It's the main reason why many people won't even consider the idea of anal play, but if it doesn't have to be a limiting concern. A simple bowel movement and shower or bath before playing is all you really need to make play clean. Not to get too graphic, but the body has it's own cleaning mechanisms and if you have fairly regular bowel movements, then when you defecate, your body will ultimately release a mucus that flushes the anus and rectum clean...not perfectly clean but clean of any major traces of matter.

If you're still concerned, just wear or have your partner wear latex gloves, finger cots or condoms and then if there's any trace of feces, you won't get it on you and your partner won't get it on him or her.  Just make sure you get condoms without nonoxynol-9 because it can be very irritating to the delicate anal membrane. Besides, once you're in the moment, especially if you're on the receiving end, you'll be experiencing too much pleasure to even notice.

The first time I experienced anal penetration, I too was concerned about my partner's finger being dirty and getting grossed out. But I took a shower beforehand and I was so wrapped up in the pleasure that I didn't think about it again until sex was over. As difficult as it was, I asked him straight-out if his fingers were dirty and he said no. So a shower will suffice. Usually I stick a soaped up finger in there, just to make sure. If you have sensitive skin, you may want to be careful with this. But just make sure you rinse things out. I've been doing it for years and haven't had a problem. If you're still really nervous you can always give yourself an enema, but make sure you follow all instructions very carefully.

Even if you're the giver of anal penetration, the state of ecstasy that your partner will be in will be so amazing and arousing that you won't notice anything but that. Always remember, feces is a natural body substance, if you get it on you it will wash off very easily with soap and water.

It's not natural to stick things in your butt.

It's absolutely natural. Your anus is filled with many blood vessels and nerve endings that are very perceptive to touch and penetration. When we were children, we experimented with anal play, but as we grew up, we were all conditioned to think it's unnatural and bad. Remember there's nothing politically incorrect about pleasure as long as it's arrived at safely and consensually, especially if you're playing with someone else. Sex is all about adults playing with each other making each other feel good, as long as you're both agreeing to the activities, there's nothing unnatural about it.

That big dildo is too big to stick in my butt, it's going to hurt.

It shouldn't hurt, if done correctly. Rectums are big enough, trust me. If it does hurt, that means your doing something wrong and you should stop and regroup before starting again. Most people don't get to actual penetration the first time they explore anal sex.  But don't worry, it's something you can work up to with time and patience.  Never be afraid to stop all activity. That's better than risking injury. You may not be able to pick up where you left off, but you can continue to play. Most discomforts stem from the following...

The receiver is not aroused enough before anal play begins. The anus can be just as sensitive as the clitoris. When sexual play begins, you can't go right for the butt. Before any type of anal play, one should be sufficiently aroused. Once aroused your muscles become relaxed and engorged making penetration easy.

Not enough lube is also a very big problem. Unlike the vagina and penis, the rectum does not produce its own lubrication. Always remember, you can never use too much lube for anal penetration. Just when you think you have enough, add more! The anal tissues are very sensitive and do not respond well to the friction of a non lubricated toy.  Anal Lubes are the best for anal penetration because they have a thick consistency to them which makes them stay slick longer. I love to use the Adam & Eve Anal Lube. Since the anus isn't self lubricating it will soak up lube of thinner consistency quicker.

Some people will be very eager and try too much too soon. When you insert a toy, finger or anything into someone's anus you must do it slowly. Inside the rectum is the internal sphincter. This muscle works involuntarily. If you try to force something too far into the rectum or force something before the muscles are relaxed, this muscle will automatically tense up, possibly causing a sharp pain. Anal penetration of any kind takes time and patience. If you're not willing to put in the time or have the patience, don't even consider exploring anal play. Always remember if you or your partner feel any pain or any discomfort; stop, relax and try again. (Please see the Tips On Using Anal Toys section) Remember, anal stimulation is NOT supposed to hurt.

I have hemorrhoids, so I can't play with anal toys.

As long as you're not experiencing hemorrhoid flare up and discomfort, you should have no problem with anal play. I would suggest that you take it very slowly, keep it calm, no heavy duty thrusting and most importantly, communicate with your partner extensively during play. If you feel any pain whatsoever, stop what you're doing. If you want, before exploring anal play consult your physician. It never hurts to seek professional advice.

If I play with anal toys, I'm going to be in adult diapers when I get old.

This is untrue. Actually, people that don't experience any kind of anal penetration usually are the ones that end up in adult diapers. This is because the anus is a muscle. The more you work it, the stronger it will get, just like all the other muscles in your body. Kiegel exercises will also help strengthen your anal muscles too.