Sex Toy 411

Anal Sex Toys - Tips on Using

First, I want to commend you for getting online and searching for information. Too many just go for it with anal pleasure and that ignorance usually results in a bad experience. So welcome and congratulations, just visiting this site increases your chances to having a great anal sex toy experience.

Since anal sex toys never have and probably never will come with instructions, this section is designed to give you some information for the successful use of anal sex toys. So if you don't know where to begin, then this is a great place to start. The one thing I would like to stress is that the first time you engage in anal play, you might not be able to accept a toy or penis into your anus. As long as you and your partner accept that right now, you're golden. The key is to have patience, incorporate anal play into many sexual encounters and eventually you will be able to do it. Just remember to never, ever force a toy, penis, fingers, hands or anything for that matter into your anus.

And NEVER EVER do it without your partner's consent, this is the #1 rule. Never assume that your partner is all for it and that you can just do it. Some people have a lot of issues with anal play and you don't want to create an unhappy or uncomfortable situation. Always find out if it's something your partner is interested in first. This may seem like common sense, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't think of this.

Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication

Since most anal toys are designed for insertion, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to use lots of lube. The rectum is not self-lubricating like the vagina and penis, so artificial lube is absolutely necessary. Always remember, you can never add to much lube for anal penetration. My boyfriend and I have always had a saying, "Just when you think you have enough lube, add more." The anal tissues and membranes are very delicate and sensitive. Friction can cause bruising and irritation that is very unpleasant. That usually where most of the pain and/or discomfort comes from. The item of insertion is rubbing, tearing and pulling on the delicate skin because there's too much friction. You need it very slippery so there's no pull.

I've found that the best types of lube for anal penetration are ones with a thicker consistency like Adam & Even Anal Lube a water-based lube. Since the rectum doesn't produce its own lubrication, it tends to absorb lubes of thinner consistencies quickly.

You must be careful with lubes containing oils, like Elbow Grease Quickie. Oil will destroys latex condoms, gloves and finger cots. So if you plan on anal penetration with a penis or a toy with a condom on it, the condom will be destroyed. Even if you will be anally penetrating with a penis or a toy with a condom on it a few days later, it's still dangerous because lube takes a few days to totally flush out of the rectum. The Elbow Grease Quickie contains mineral oil, so it will destroy latex, but if it's not dangerous for the vagina because mineral gets absorbed in the body. Although if you will be using a latex barrier for vaginal sex, you'll want to avoid oil based lubes as well because it could destroy the barrier, even if traces of oil get into the vagina.

Lubes with nonoxynol-9 are not recommended because nonoxynol-9 is a detergent and can be very irritating to delicate anal tissue. I also don't think lubes with warming or cooling agents are a good idea either, especially if you have sensitive skin. If too much is applied, the sensation you'll receive may be too overwhelming and unpleasurable.

Some anal lubes are proud to announce that they contain lidocaine or benzocaine, which are desensitizing ingredients. Even though there are small amounts within, these lubes are also not recommended because you WANT to feel the all the sensations, you want to know if something is uncomfortable or painful. If you can't feel the discomfort that's happening, you won't know you're being hurt. Many people think it's a quick and easy way to try anal sex without pain. It's simply not true. This is part of the reason why people get hurt, they don't have the patience to take their time with it.

Manicure is important

Whether you're using toys or not, most anal play involves fingers. Fingers that will be penetrating the anus should have short, smoothly filed nails. Some women keep just the nails that are used for penetration filed. Long, sharp nails can tear fragile anal tissue, even if you're being careful. If you must keep your nails long, make sure they're smooth and pad the tips of your latex gloves or finger cots with cotton balls because long, sharp nails can rip through the latex damaging the anal tissue.

Communication is essential

You must have open communication during any kind of anal play, especially when you're using toys. Inserting toys is very different from fingers or a penis because the person doing the penetrating can not feel if the receiver is tensing up. When penetrating with a body part, you can feel your partner's reactions more and that feeling is not there with a toy. If you are the receiver and are feeling any discomfort or pain, make sure you tell your partner immediately. Never ignore it or tolerate it. You should stop whatever you are doing, relax and start again. Since the anus has such tight, fragile muscles, it is important that the receiver is ready to accept more of the toy. There's nothing wrong with telling your partner, "Wait, I'm not relaxed enough yet." You can even have a 'safe' word, a strange word that you wouldn't say at any time during sexual play. Agree to a word and if it's said, then all activity has to pause. Share what the issue is, and agree on where to stimulate you more to get you aroused enough. The same open communication applies if things are going really well and you want more of the toy, tell your partner. When it comes to anal play, the receiver must absolutely be in the driver's seat. Communication is important anyway for successful play of any kind. With the anus being so sensitive and fragile, it's a necessity.


Patience is vital for successful anal toy play. The receiver has to be sufficiently aroused and relaxed to accept a toy in their anus. Rushing will only cause pain and ruin the mood or even the desire to try any type of anal play again, which is, unfortunately, what happens often.  I'm always hearing from women and men that anal penetration was very painful and they don't want to try it again.  Usually upon questioning, I find out that anal penetration was attempted immediately and that's just not possible.  So, be very patient.  As the giver, there's nothing wrong with asking your partner if he/she wants more of the toy or wants it pulled out. Always check-in with your partner. Remember, you're both playing together, you're not just ramming stuff in your lover's butt. Watch his/her reactions. Anal play isn't something that needs to be incorporated every time. Some nights it's not just meant to happen and that's fine. I love anal play and penetration, but I do it maybe 2 out of every 20 times I have sex. Never push yourself or your partner into doing it.  Anal penetration is a truly divine experience when the both partners really want it. I feel the need to also reiterate...please accept the fact that upon your first anal experience you may not be able to take anything, toy, finger, penis, into your anus. So enjoy the process because it is exciting. Go at your own pace and find this to be a divine experience.

Relax, Relax, Relax

Sometimes a nice warm bath or shower can relax one before sexual play. If there's any anxiety about your anus being clean, a bath or shower will cleanse you enough for anal play. For some, the cleaner they know they are, the more relaxed they are, going into it. Breathe slowly and deeply. This causes blood to rush to the genitals causing them to engorge and relax. Taking quick, shallow breaths will stop this from happening and cause the body to tense up.

Start Slow

Lots of foreplay is very helpful in arousing someone enough to accept a toy in their rectum. Once the person is sufficiently aroused, anal teasing is in order. You must wake up the anus, with a little finger rubbing or even some vibrations. Apply a latex glove and lots of lube and softly rub your partner's anus in a circular motion. Once your partner relaxes, he/she will probably slide right onto your finger and allow them to do that. Let them know that this is most desired. If you do insert your finger make sure you do it with the pads of your finger first, not the tip. The pads are much gentler. Your finger should also be curved toward the front of the body. Don't automatically thrust your finger in and out. Once it penetrates, hold it still until you feel the anus relax. Then feel free to insert it more and explore by circling your finger, tapping and rubbing the walls of the rectum.

Keep constant communication with your partner. When he/she is ready for the toy, he/she will let you know, don't worry about that! And even when your lover's ready, don't just thrust it in. Toys have to be lubed up and inserted slowly and gently too. Other stimulation might be necessary at the same time as toys are inserted into the anus. In "Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women", Nina Hartley states, "Anal penetration feels more intense than vaginal. Without simultaneous clit stimulation, it feels a little uncomfortable. With simultaneous clit stimulation, it turns into a whole clit thing which is very enjoyable. The butt becomes an extension of the clit." If your partner wants to insert the toy him/herself, then by all means allow them to do that.

Positions For Anal Penetration

Some people feel more relaxed on their backs with their legs up in the air for anal penetration. It feels like all their genitals are open and available. Others like to be on their knees, doggie style for anal penetration. Some women feel that makes it easier for their partner's to penetrate them anally and they can stimulate their clitoris by themselves with ease. And still others feel that lying on their side is really comfortable.  Finding a good position, is really a very personal thing. So if you're new to anal penetration, you should experiment with different positions to find what you like best.

Butt Plug Insertion

If you're inserting a butt plug, lube it up and angle it up toward the front of the body. Do it slowly and you may even try twisting the plug slightly to the insert the thickest part. Do the same upon removing.

Ribbed Plug Insertion

When inserting a ribbed plug, like the Sex Bubbles Ballsy, lube it up and insert it one rib at a time, holding still after each rib goes in. After you pause a moment, you may want to try wiggling it around a little too. When removing, do one rib at a time as well.

Anal Bead Insertion

Anal beads are designed to be inserted one bead at a time. For removal, find out what your partner wants. Some people like them pulled out all at once during orgasm to intensify it. Others want you to wait and do it one by one after orgasm, others want to do it themselves. If unsure, do one at a time. Always be cautious rather than adventurous.

Dildo/Vibrator Insertion

Inserting dildos and vibes are the same as butt plugs. Do it slowly and gently at first. Hold still, then thrust slowly and check in with your partner to see what he/she wants as far as deeper, harder, slower or faster. Never assume, "Okay it's in, so I can thrust vigorously." You may never get to that point. And you don't have to. Anal play is not a linear progression. Just do what feels good and don't worry about getting crazy. Important Note: Make sure that whatever dildo or vibrator you use has a flared base on it so it does not get sucked into the rectum. Make sure dildos have testicles and vibes have flared base.

Anus to Vagina - No! No!

Never, never, never pull your anal toy out of the anus and slip it right into the vagina without cleaning it first. Bacteria and fecal matter can cause very uncomfortable and very painful infections in the vagina. Clean the toy thoroughly or apply a fresh condom between orifices. Please see the toy cleaning section for more information on which toys can be thoroughly cleaned because some can not and those should not be used for anal to vaginal play.

Smooth Only

Make sure that whatever you insert into the anus is smooth and free from rough or sharp edges. Long fingernails should be filed down or covered up so they don't scratch the delicate anal tissue. Hangnails and scabs on the fingers can also be uncomfortable for the penetration, so the best thing to do is to wear latex gloves or finger cots when inserting your fingers into your partner's anus. This is a lso a good safety measure for your partner. Exposed cuts and scrapes can cause further infection in the givers body as well.

Other Stimulation Too

Some people feel that other types of stimulation at the same time as anal play makes it more enjoyable. I am one of those people, I along with many other women, love to have my clit stimulated with either fingers or vibrator while being anally penetrated. Some men like to stroke their penises or pull on their testicles while being penetrated too.  It's not a science experiment, it's sex, so whatever makes you or your partner feel good, you should do and don't be afraid to experiment.

For more information on how to experience pleasureable anal play I highly recommend the following resources...

Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Sex - This video is considered pornographic, but has very important information in it. So if you and your partner are not used to watching hard core adult videos together, you may want to skip this one.

If you're looking for something a little more soft-core, but that still demonstrates anal sex tips and techniques, then I suggest The Better Sex Guide to Anal Sex from the Sinclair Intimacy Institute. This will give you the information you need in a tasteful manner.

If you want to penetrate your man anally, then this is a wonderful resource for you...Bend Over Boyfriend. This DVD will explain how to do this successfully in way that focuses on woman penetrating man.

If you're not a fan of videos at all, then I suggest the Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men books.

And of course, if you'd like to discuss your concerns in a safe and anonymous environment, feel free to visit my site,

You're about to embark on an amazing journey. The more knowledge and understanding that you have ahead of time will make it all worth it in the end. During my journey, the learning gave me such anticipation. All this information that you're absorbing...just think about how good these things will feel. I can't help but to imagine how a toy will feel when browsing the sex toy catalogs. Enjoy!