Sex Toy 411

Bondage Toys - Some Common Misconceptions

Let's be real, even though the SM/Bondage Lifestyle is getting a little more positive attention these days, the fears, myths and misconceptions still very much exist. If this is a type of play that you want to explore with your partner, it's important that you understand what these misconceptions about Bondage are so you can explain away these fears. So here are the most popular myths.

Wanting to be tied up is not normal.

Not only is this statement untrue, but it's awful to say. Bondage is a form of S/M and the S/M credo is Safe, Sane and Consensual. People that like to be tied up and restrained are looking to reach a physical and emotional state of bliss that they can't get from "vanilla sex" alone. Adult sexual play is supposed to fun. It doesn't matter how you both enjoy yourselves, as long as you both, 'both' being the important word, have fun and consent to being involved in the activities contained within. Besides, identifying what's normal and what's not is really a matter of personal interpretation, so there really is no normal.

Bondage play is for abusive, harmful people.

Also very untrue. In the most simplest of answers, there are so many different levels of bondage play, (See Different Bondage Scenarios section), that don't contain any pain or striking whatsoever. This kind of play can be about restraining your partner and pleasuring them into a state of ecstasy or making them do a certain act, that they've of course agreed to in advance. There's nothing painful about any of that!

As far as Doms being abusive people and wanting to hurt others...that's also far from the truth. In fact, the person who's really in control during bondage play, is the Sub. The Dom and Sub discuss what's going to happen during play. The Sub sets the boundaries and limits to what's going to happen. The Dom just creates the scene and makes the fantasy reality. Of course the Dom has to agree to everything too, but the he/she doesn't do anything to the Sub that isn't desired.

In all honesty, the Dom is a person of great control, someone who can communicate with their partner about the issues. People that are abusive, have no control over their actions. They don't understand how to handle their anger, communicate with others and work through issues, so they take it out on their partners by abusing them. The thing to remember here is that Dom is delivering a 'pleasurable' pain that is desired. If a person doesn't know how to control their emotions and keep their anger in check and if a couple does not have good communication, Bondage should not be explored. Remember the credo, Safe, Sane and Consensual. If it's not safe, if it's not sane and if it's not consensual, then it's not S/M. It could be criminal and that's not what I'm or the Bondage Community at large is promoting.

Using whips is very painful.

It can be, if that's what's desired, but it doesn't have to be. There are many whips available, like the Love Whip, that doesn't hurt at all, no matter how hard you whip or get whipped. Some even sound painful when they come into contact with the skin, but still aren't painful. See the Flogging Toys section. Even if you use a regular whip, it doesn't have to hurt. There are many levels of striking a person and many places on the body that hurt more than others, see Rules of Flogging section. So don't fear the possible pain because it doesn't have to exist, there are so many levels to Bondage Play, that the whipping or spanking part is just the tip of the iceberg. The real joy in Bondage Play is the mind-fuck, the turning yourself over to the control of your partner. In a healthy relationship, that's hot!

While there aren't a lot of misconceptions here, the ones listed are very serious and can really turn people away from exploring this very erotic form of pleasure. My article on Bedroom Bondage should also contain helpful information. After reading through this section I highly recommend checking it out.There are also many bondage communities can be helpful to the bondage novices. My boyfriend and I used to belong to The Eulenspiegel Society, a wonderful organization.